In The End
by JupiterHime
Summary: EO vs. AO. Just as Olivia finally begins to rebuild her life in the wake of Lewis's attack and find some happiness with Alex and Noah, a divorced Elliot returns, hoping for a chance to win her heart. This story is both an EO and AO story and will explore both relationships. Who will Olivia end up with In The End? Only time (and reviews) will tell.
1. In the Beginning

Author's Notes:

I am a Law and Order: SVU fanfic virgin, so be gentle with me please.

This story will be BOTH an EO and AO story. I am huge shipper of both couples and I could easily see Olivia being happy and in love with either Alex or Eliot. There are so many great EO and AO stories, but I have always wanted to read a story that explores both relationships in the same story and see with whom Olivia would end up with (if you know any stories like this, please let me know). Thus, I thought that I would try my hand at a story that explores EO vs. AO, explores the dynamics of each pairing, and explores the beauty and the ugliness of each pairing.

I haven't decided with whom Olivia will end up with yet. I thought I would start the story and see where it (and the reviews *hint hint*) leads me.

Important Timeline notes (please read so you are not lost):

1. This takes place two weeks after the Season 15 finale- i.e. two weeks after Olivia receives temporary custody of Noah. From there this story diverges from the canon.

2. In my world, Bensidy the redux never happened. I just never got Olivia and Brian Cassidy. Glad he was there for during the Lewis saga, but I always thought Olivia was settling.

3. Since Bensidy never happened, Alex was the one that was there for Olivia during the Lewis saga.

4. This story picks up with Elliot's return. He disappeared (for three years) the same way he did in the canon, but now he is back. I am not going to do the reunion scene between them, I think there are several stories on this site that do a better job than I could ever do with his return. This story is more about exploring EO vs. AO.

Disclaimer: If I owned any part of Law and Order, I wouldn't be writing fanfic. I promise you I wouldn't be.

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><p>Olivia Benson takes a deep breath, hoping it would to calm her nerves, as she enters Café Gitane. She glances around, looking the person she is there to have dinner with. Part of her hopes he has left already, she is after all nearly 45 minutes late. And she knows that this is bound to be an excruciatingly awkward…date? She is not sure what this meeting is supposed to be, but based on the ritzy, intimate setting, she has a strong feeling that this is supposed to be a date.<p>

_A date with Elliot Stabler._ She feels like she has stepped in to the Twilight Zone. This cannot be real life. Café Gitane is certainly step up from the food trucks and bodega food he used to treat her with during their 13-year partnership.

His text had simply said _Café Gitane. Thursday at 8:30pm. Wear something nice_. Only Elliot could disappear for three years, casually reappear one day like his exit had not been one of the most traumatic experiences of her life, and disrupt the small piece of peace and stability that she had finally managed to find.

_I had to leave, because I couldn't just be your friend anymore, Liv._ He had said in her office upon his return. After a three-year absence, he had suddenly remembered where he could find her and had come to the precinct to talk to her. And not only had he decided that she was again worth talking to, he had decided that he wanted to be with her. Romantically. After not a word for three years. He just walked in a random Tuesday and blew her world apart. _Asshole._

Her eyes land on said asshole sitting tucked away at a table in the furthermost corner. He had clearly wanted privacy for this…date. Elliot is dressed smartly in slacks and a blue button up. She notices that he has shaven the salt and pepper beard since the last- first- time she had seen him. It is definitely a date, Olivia muses.

Olivia smooths her sky blue, curve-hugging dress before she walks over to him. Almost as if sensing her presence, his bright blue eyes snap up and find her as she approaches. Apparently, three years had not changed their ability to sense each other. She straightens up a little taller as she feels his eyes travel up and down her body. She knows he will notice she is wearing his favorite color, very little is lost on the seasoned once detective.

He rises to greet her, "Hi." He reaches out to hug her. Olivia does not step into his embrace; instead, she sits in the seat opposite him. While she is willing to listen to what he has to say and even entertain the idea of a date with him, she is not ready to pretend that his treatment of her over the last three years has not cut her deeply.

"Hi, I'm sorry I am late. We caught a case-" She begins with the standard line she uses to explain to her dates why she was inappropriately late. She averts her eye and nervously unfolds her napkin.

"Liv. Liv." Her eyes snap up to his. He gives her a reassuring smile, new- at least new to her- wrinkles crinkling around his eyes. "Hey. It's me. I know." Realizing how silly it is to explain him, a man who had spent over twenty working SVU and a man who had spent almost half his life explaining why he was late to others, she smiles at him.

"Right. Sorry. I'm…" _Nervous._ She has no idea how to deal with the man that she had been friends with for 13 years, who no longer wants to be just friends. She has no idea how to relate to him now that they were no longer partners.

"Yea, me too." He acknowledges. His blue eyes scan her face as if searching for something. Olivia wonders if her face is still an open book to him. Whatever he is looking for he finds, he smiles confidently. "Thanks for coming."

Olivia lets out a wry laugh, "Because your message left me with much choice." She turns to the waiter as he comes up to the table, "Lilet Blanc, please?" The waiter nods and leaves to get her drink. Olivia turns back to Elliot who is staring at her intensely. Uncomfortable, she avoids his stare.

"You look beautiful." She flushes. It is the first time he has ever said that to her. She would be a liar if she said she was not pleased with his compliment.

She sips her water. "Tell me what you have been up to." She is determined to regain some semblance of control over the conversation. He had dominated the last conversation they had had, mostly because she had been so flabbergasted by his return and the subsequent bomb he had dropped, but this time she is determined to control the conversation and get the answers to her many, many questions.

He glances away from her, clearly uncomfortable. The small, petty part of Olivia savors finally throwing him off balance like he has thrown her, "I just started Queens SVU." Both of Olivia's eyebrows shoot up.

"'The much disgraced Queens SVU'? That Queens SVU?" Olivia asks incredulously. Queens SVU was barely surviving, marred by a long history of scandals, including dirty cops and improperly handled rape kits. Queens SVU currently has the lowest conviction rate of all the New York City's SVUs; there had even been talk of closing it down. She is surprised that Elliot, who had previously been vocal in his distaste for how Queens handled its cases, would consider working there. Much less, after the way his career had ended at Manhattan SVU.

"Yea. They cleaned house, got rid all'the dirt. They're tryna hire a new squad." He shrugs sheepishly. He sips his water nervously, "They want to raise the conviction rate-"

"And you have- had- one of the highest conviction's rates." Olivia fills in. Elliot gives a quick predatory smile. They both know he had been damn good at the job and had loved the job. That is why she can not understand how he could just walk away from it-her- without looking back, "They offered a sweet package. Say in a few months I can sit for the Sergeant's exam." He aggressively rips a piece of bread in half and stuffs it in his mouth. Olivia glances at his arms, he had filled out even more since he had left. He had definitely been in the gym in the last three years. She has to admit he looks good. Nearly fifty and he still has it. But she will not tell him that, his ego is big enough already.

"If only they knew what you used to say about that place." She teases. He laughs. She smiles. For a second, it is like three years have not elapsed and they are still Benson and Stabler.

But three years had gone by, and they are no longer the same, "Ever think of coming back? " She asks softly, feeling vulnerable asking the question.

"No." There is no uncertainty in his voice. It hurts, she had thought he had burned out from the job; turns out that he was not finished with the job, just finished being her partner. As if he can feel her walls and hackles rising, he says "Liv, I can't come back to Manhattan, because you'd be my CO. And I'm not sure how much has changed since I've been gone, but I'm fairly sure, tryna get into your CO's pants is still frowned upon."

Shocked by his forwardness, Olivia lets out a startled laugh, "You tryna get into my pants, Stabler?"

Watching her intensely, he says, "And more." And just like that, Olivia has lost the upper hand. She finishes the last of her water and looks around for waiter. Where was her damn drink? Maybe she should order something a little stronger, because the way this conversation was going, she was going need hard liquor to deal.

Butterflies erupt in her stomach as she plays his words back. There was a time she would have given anything to hear him says those words or words like them. But three years had gone by and so much has changed, she has changed. She does not know how she is supposed to feel now. "Liv, I'm asking for a chance."

"What happened with Kathy?" She deflects. She is not ready for this conversation. She is here for answers.

He glances away again. Absentmindedly, he rubs his bare left ring finger, "We divorced." Silence envelops them. Olivia realizes that is all he is going to say on the topic. Typical Elliot.

The waiter finally brings her drink and sits it down in front of her. Before the waiter can step away, Olivia throws back the drink and finishes it in a few gulps, "Another, please." The waiter shoots her a disturbed, slightly judgmental look. Olivia could care less. She needs to survive this conversation. And a lot of alcohol is the only way she was going to.

"Could you try to look a lil' less terrified." She can hear the annoyance seep in to his voice.

"Less terrified?" Olivia hisses at him, "Are you serious? After ignoring my texts, calls, voicemails, emails, smoke signals for the last three fucking years, you walk back in the same way you walked out -no explanations, no apologies, nothing- and, now you want to be what? I don't even know!" She can hear the slight hysterical edge in her voice, but she is finally getting a chance to say what she has wanted to say to him, and it feels too good to stop, " How did we get here, Elliot? Did Kathy leave you again and you got a little lonely? Did you wake up one day and decide you want to be with me-"

" I did not just wake up one day and decide that I wanted to be with you!" He yells. A few people at neighboring tables glance at them, but she is too busy returning Elliot's furious glare to notice, "You think this is easy for me? To come back after all the shit we've been through, to come back and admit I was wrong-"

"I have yet to hear an apology-" She tries to interrupt, but he is not having it.

"I did not wake up one day and decide that I wanted – do you know what I have given up to be here? I had to talk to..." He trails off. _A therapist._ She realizes and she is surprised, the Elliot Stabler she knew would knew would have had to been dragged to a therapist at gunpoint. Suddenly as it came, the anger leaves him ," This isn't easy for me either." He whispers lowly. He looks away from her and she realizes that he has closed down. She knows she will get no more from him today. To try would be a futile effort. And maybe she was not ready to hear it. They are done.

She pushes her chair back and stands up, "Well I guess I get to walk away this time."

Without even looking her, he jabs back, "Wouldn't be the first time." That hurts her, deeply. She straightens up even more and walks out. As she turns the corner, tears blur her vision to the point where she can barely see, but she continues walking away.

* * *

><p>Olivia fiddles nervously with her skirt as she steps into the elevator of One Hogan Place. She hates wearing skirts, but she had to testify in court earlier that day, so a skirt it was. She feels comforted by the fact that she is fairly confident that they will win this case; her squad had done a thorough job collecting evidence and Barba had been in great form today. There were never any guarantees, but she had seen the looks of disgust the jury members had shot the defendant. She has a feeling she and squad would be going out to drinks to celebrate in a few days.<p>

Since she was already downtown and the courthouse was a short distance from the District Attorney's Office, she had decided to walk over after she was done testifying.

She wants to see Alex. If she is honest with herself, she more than wants to see Alex. Though they had been on and off for nearly 14 years, and they had highs and lows, no one she had ever dated had ever been as _there_ for her as Alex had been earlier this year. It makes her nervous how essential Alex has become to her life, because depending on people and letting them in will only blow up in her face and cause her heartbreak. Elliot had taught her that. She feels her eyes start to water at the thought of Elliot and their disaster of a date the previous night. She will deal with the consequences of letting Alex get too close another day; right now, she just needs to smell Alex's overpriced perfume. _Baccarat's Les Larmes Sacrees de Thebes._ She can hear Alex mentally correcting her. She mentally rolls her eyes.

Part of her is nervous. She has not talked to Alex in nearly two weeks. They had an argument last time they talked.

_I am forty-three, Alex._

_You want to talk about having children together, Liv, but you can't even say 'I love you' to me. _

The next day the judge had granted her temporary custody of Noah.

She had not heard from Alex since. Though Alex did send a $10,000 gift certificate for Babies 'R' Us to her apartment. Olivia had sent it back. Undeterred, Alex had resent the gift certificate plus a ridiculously large bear and balloons to the precinct. Olivia had been embarrassed by the "Congrats, it's a Boy" balloons and the bear, but she was secretly pleased. She knows Alex well enough to know that, in her own way, Alex's message to her was: _Congratulations. I am not ready to talk yet, but I am happy for you._

She took the bear and the balloons home to Noah, but still sent back the gift certificate. She does not want Alex's money. She wants Alex to want Noah.

The elevator dings letting her know that she has arrived to Alex's office floor- the second highest floor in the building. Knowing the way well, she walks down the hall to Alex's office suite. The door reads:

_EADA Alexandra Cabot_

A thrill runs through Olivia. She loves seeing the acknowledgement of Alex's hard work and ambition. Alex's passion and ambition are two things that have always drawn Olivia to Alex. They are also two of the reasons they argue so much. She smiles remembering what happens after their heated arguments. She knocks on the door.

"Come in." She hears Alex's alto voice call. She pushes open the door and steps in. The office is large and sunny; the classical and expensive décor matches Alex's personality perfectly. In the center of the office, Alex sits behind her desk. Alex is on the phone.

"Yes, Mr. Attorney General." Olivia raises her eyebrow at Alex. Alex merely shrugs like it is an everyday experience to be on the phone with the Attorney General. "Excuse Mr. Attorney General, can you give me a minute, something that needs my attention just came in. Thank you, sir." She puts down the phone and stalks to Olivia, using her long legs to her advantage. Stalk is the only word she can use to describe what Alex is doing. Alex is a lioness on the hunt and Olivia is her prey.

In a few strides, Alex crosses the span of her office and is crowding Olivia. With little choice, Olivia steps back until her back is pressed firmly against the door. Her heavy chest pushes out and heaving in anticipation of Alex's next move. Glancing down at Olivia's chest on display, Alex's gray-blue eyes flash hungrily. She steps further in to Olivia's space.

"You are wearing a skirt." Olivia can barely process what Alex says. She can only focus on Alex's glossy pink lips. She loves Alex's lips- they are Alex's most deadly weapon- both in and out of the courtroom. Olivia licks her lips subconsciously. Like a true predator, Alex's eyes, behind her black, thick-framed glasses, follow the movement of Olivia's tongue. Alex leans down slightly, bringing her mouth even closer to Olivia's lips. As if in a trance, Olivia parts her lips slightly, as if to encourage the kiss. "You are wearing a skirt." Alex repeats whispering against Olivia lips, but still not kissing her. Olivia nods dumbly. Part of her hates how Alex can render her stupid with so little effort; a bigger part loves how strong their sexual chemistry is. No one else could arouse her and play her body like Alex does.

Alex slides her leg between Olivia's thighs and nudges them apart. Obediently, Olivia spreads her legs. Her skirt rides up. This was not what she had planned for her visit to Alex's office. She had just wanted some comfort- well, this was a form of comfort, she supposes. Alex presses her thigh against Olivia's core. Olivia moans softly and rubs herself shamelessly against Alex's thigh. She can feel herself getting wet. She knows that if she continues rubbing against Alex's thigh, Alex will eventually have a wet spot on her skirt suit. But at this moment, Olivia does not care, Alex has started this and Olivia wants to finish.

"Hush, you wouldn't want someone to walk by and hear you." Alex murmurs, "They may come in and see you rubbing yourself against my leg, desperate for an orgasm." Olivia flushes and she is sure that it is a full body flush, but she does not stop rubbing herself against Alex.

Alex smiles predatorily at her. She leans in a finally kisses Olivia full on the mouth. The kiss is hard, punishing almost. Olivia responds in kind. She knows that Alex is still upset over their last fight and she expressing it through this kiss. Olivia nips at Alex's lips, harder than she should; she is mad that Alex has not come to meet her foster son and that Alex thought her anger could be bought off.

She and Alex have the unhealthy habit of fucking through there problems rather than talking them through. It has caused many problems for them over the years, but it also made for hot passionate, angry, sex.

After a particularly vicious nip at her lips, Alex twists Olivia's nipple through her shirt in retaliation. The pain sends a jolt directly to Olivia's core and she feels a resulting flood of wetness. Embarrassed by her body's response to Alex, she turns her head away. Alex grabs her face and forces Olivia to meet her eyes again. Olivia's breath is taken away by the lust and desire she sees in Alex's eyes. Olivia is not sure, after more than a decade, how someone could still want her that much. It was as if Alex could never get enough of her, and she could never get enough of Alex.

Alex's eyes, now shades darker, sought and held Olivia's almond eyes. Olivia can feel Alex's other hand creep up the inside of her thighs. "Alex?" She whispers. She is not sure what she is asking. All she knows is Alex's name. It is the only word going through her mind right now.

"Miss me?" She murmurs as her fingers glide up closer to Olivia's core. Olivia pushes her hips forward impatiently trying to rush Alex's ascent and in hopes that she can get Alex's fingers where she needs them to be. She needs Alex to be in her; pumping in and out her and giving her pleasure. She honestly was seconds away form begging for it. Of course, she would deny ever begging seconds after the climaxed, but right now she would beg if Alex asked her to. Alex's fingers hook onto Olivia's panties, brushing lightly against her heated core. Olivia's head rolls back, banging against the door loudly. She barely registers the pain. Alex chuckles and releases her face to rub the back of her head that she just hit.

Alex begins to pull her panties down her thighs, lightly touching her as she drags them down. "Miss me?" she repeats. Olivia nods again vigorously. She would agree to anything right now, just as long as Alex continues. Alex smiles softly- it is the first sign of tenderness that she has shown since Olivia has walked through the door. "Step." Olivia realizes Alex wants her to step out her lace panties, which are now down by her feet. Olivia steps out of her panties immediately. Her chest is heaving in anticipation, her nipples rock hard cutting through her blouse. If she could see herself from the outside, she be thoroughly ashamed, but she is too in the moment to care.

Alex trails her fingers back up Olivia's thighs. Olivia spreads her legs a little wider to urge her on. Alex watches Olivia's eyes as she slowly fingers her, gathering Olivia's juices on her finger. Unable to help herself, Olivia moans.

Quickly, Alex steps back from Olivia. Olivia almost falls, not ready to support herself. Confused, she watches as Alex bends down and collects Olivia's panties. Alex puts the two fingers that were touching Olivia in her mouth and watches Olivia as she cleans Olivia's juices off her fingers. Finished Alex turns and walks back to her desk.

Olivia mouth drops in shock as she watches Alex twirl her panties and she picks up the phone again.

"I'm sorry for the interruption, Mr. Attorney General. It was a very pressing matter." Alex mouth 'you'll get these back later' waving Olivia's panties.

Olivia mouthed back "tease."

Alex blew her kiss.

_Bitch._

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><p>Read and Review please and thank you. Let me know your thoughts and your couple.<p> 


	2. Chapter 2

Thank you all so much for all the reviews, follows, and favorites for Chapter 1! I am truly humbled and appreciative. Please keep them coming. I'm loving "hearing" everyone's thoughts on the pairings. I took them in to account as I wrote this chapter.

AO dominated the reviews last chapter, so I'll begin the chapter with some AO…

Author's Note: In my story, Nick is currently doing anger management classes, but he was not demoted. He is still a SVU detective.

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><p>A knock on Olivia's office door interrupts her thoughts. She glances up as Odafin Tutuola sticks his head into her office, "Cabot's here." He says simply and returns to the bullpen. She glances through her blinds and sees Alex standing at her old desk unloading bags of takeout. She can see her detectives hovering around Alex trying to get some of the food that she is passing out.<p>

Olivia rolls her eyes fondly at them. _Some things never change._ Even though Alex had left SVU over two years ago, Alex still has the 1-6 wrapped around her little finger.

As Olivia stands up from her desk, she feels her naked upper thighs brush against each other. She blushes slightly remembering her time with Alex earlier that day. She hopes Alex has brought her panties as well.

Leaning in her office's doorway, she asks Alex, "What'd you bring this week?" Ever since Olivia's return after her ordeal with Lewis, Alex has made a point to visit the squad almost weekly- and Alex never comes empty-handed. Olivia suspects this is Alex's way of checking up on her and making sure she is well after the attack. Part of her resents that Alex feels the need to check up on her as if she is somehow weakened by what Lewis had done to her.

_Or maybe Alex's visits are just as much about her as they are about you. Maybe she needs to reassure herself that you are there and still well. _Dr. Lindstrom had countered when Olivia had brought it up during a session.

Olivia still does not know if these visits are more about her or Alex, but she knows her squad greatly looks forward to Alex's visit. And maybe the less cynical, less defensive part of Olivia looks forward to these visits as well.

It has been two weeks since Alex had visited the squad room. She knows her observant detectives have noticed Alex's absence. They have not said anything to her about it, but she knows they have noticed. Especially Nick.

Alex smiles teasingly at Olivia, "I bought something Italian." Olivia struggles to control her blush. She knows Alex is unsubtly referring to her La Pearla panties.

"You have a Caesar salad?" Amanda Rollins's southern drawl saves Olivia from certain death by embarrassment.

Alex smiles at her flirtatiously and hands Amanda the salad, "I would never forget my favorite detective's order." Amanda blushes and ducks her head.

Unfazed, Olivia laughs, "Don't let Nick here you say that."

"Because everyone knows I am Alex's favorite detective- since Liv's promotion." Nicholas Amaro says as he comes back in to the squad room. He hugs Alex. Olivia rolls her eyes at the pair. Alex and Nick have gotten close since her ordeal- to the point where Olivia has caught them texting back and forth on several occasions. Olivia is fairly sure they are using each other to keeps tabs on her, "Where ya been, Cabot?" Nick asks reaching for his dish, "You missed all this week's excitement."

Realizing that Nick is referring to Elliot's return and visit to the precinct, Olivia narrows her eyes at him, "Nick," she says warningly.

Nick ignores Olivia warning, "We had a visitor."

Alex looks between the former partners trying to figure out what she has missed, "Who came to visit?"

"Nick-" Olivia tries again.

"Liv's ex-partner," Nick drops the bomb with a smirk. Olivia tries to mentally calculate how many years she would get if she kills him.

Both of Alex's eyebrows shoot up, but her face is otherwise unreadable, "Stabler?"

"Yep." Nick confirms as he begins to dig in to his lasagna with feigned casualness.

With an unreadable expression, Alex turns slowly to look at Olivia, "And what did Stabler want?"

"I don't know, but he sent her some flowers. They're in her office." Satisfied, Nick takes his food and wanders over to his desk. Olivia is convinced that she will get away with his murder- any jury would be sympathetic.

"Damn, Amaro. Run tell that much?" Fin murmurs through a mouth full of fettuccine, but he is watching Alex closely for a reaction. Olivia knows that Alexandra Cabot is too well bred to cause a scene. Alex merely returns to unloading the takeout, but Olivia can see the lines of tension in Alex's body. Alex and Olivia have had many arguments about her relationship with Elliot over the years, and Olivia is not looking forward to another round.

"Would you all mind disrupting this gossip session with a little bit of work?" Olivia snarks. She turns and walks back into her office leaving the door open for Alex to follow. Alex follows calmly a few minutes later and closes the door behind her_. _

_Ding Ding._

Alex eyes the flowers on her desk, "Oh that's nice, the corner bodega was having a sale."_ Round 1 goes to Alex._

"Alex," Olivia frowns.

Alex leans back against the door as if bracing herself for this fight. "Were you going to tell me about his return?"

"That's what I came to tell you earlier." Olivia returns calmly. She is having a hard time reading Alex. While Alex is rarely one to cause a scene, Olivia had expected Alex to be less calm about Elliot's return.

"Ok." Alex says simply. She moves from the door and sits down.

"Ok?" Olivia repeats shocked that Alex concedes so easily.

"What does he want?" Alex repeats her earlier question as she sits Olivia's food on her desk.

Olivia looks away from Alex's probing eyes and shrugs. She honestly is not sure what Elliot wants. She knows what he thought he wanted before their horrible date, but now…though he had sent the flowers this morning.

"White roses- I'm sorry flowers. What's he apologizing for?" Alex opens her gnocchi. After more than twenty years on the force, Olivia has always prided herself on her ability to read others, but her prowess is currently failing her.

"Nothing and everything," Olivia answers evasively. Alex rolls her eyes.

"Fine." Alex begins to eat. Olivia is not sure if this argument is over or if this is a tactic to get her to lower her defenses. She had seen many people underestimate Alex through the years, a mistake that had cost them dearly. Olivia eyes her papardelle hungrily. She had worked through lunch in an effort to get as much done, so she could get home to Noah as soon as possible. Olivia glances at the photo of him on her desks. She smiles gently.

Alex's sharp eyes miss nothing, "How is your son?" Olivia's eyes snap to Alex's eyes. It is the first time someone had called Noah her son. Her foster son, yes, but not just her son. Tears well up in her eyes. He is her son. She is his mother. "You love him." Alex whispers in awe. It is a statement not a question. Emotionally overwhelmed, Olivia looks away from Alex's intense stare, but she nods. It has been only two weeks, but she loves Noah…_her son_. She swallows past the lump in her throat. Putting down her food, Alex reaches her hands out to Olivia. Olivia clasps Alex's hands. "He makes you happy?" This is a question.

"Yes." Olivia whispers shyly. Alex squeezes her hands.

"Tell me about your son."

Olivia glances at the picture again, "He's… perfect." It is the only word that she can think of to sum up her son.

"I bet he is." Alex smiles. Olivia is suddenly reminded that Alex still has not come to meet Noah. She pulls her hands back. She is…hurt, angry, disappointed.

"You would know if you came to visit," Olivia reminds.

Alex sighs, "I need more time, Liv."

"Time?" Olivia mocks.

"The same time you asked for when you moved out of my apartment." Alex quips back.

"Are we still on this?" As soon as Olivia says it, she wishes she could take it back. She knows her rash decision to move out of Alex's penthouse apartment two months ago has hurt Alex deeply. She does not mean to be dismissive of Alex's feelings, especially after how supportive Alex has been of her.

After the attack, unable to return to her apartment, she had moved in with Alex. Alex had held her through her panic attacks and calmed her when her screams woke them both. Alex had kissed each one of her many scars, and told her how beautiful and strong she was. _Battante_. _Survivor._ Alex had murmured over and over as she made love to Olivia. Their relationship had deepened to level neither had expected or thought possible.

Olivia had been…_happy_. And that had scared her shitless. So she, logically, moved out. With two days notice to Alex. To say Alex had been furious was an understatement. Furious and hurt. Olivia had hated to hurt Alex, but it was for the best. If experience had taught Olivia anything, it was that that level of happiness was unsustainable.

Alex's gray-blue eyes go frosty, her calm composure finally cracks, "Yes, we are still on _this_. How did get here, Olivia? How did we go from two months ago you not being ready to live with me to you wanting us to raise children together? Aren't there some missing steps in the between those two extremes? "

It was a fair point. One that Olivia does not yet have a counter to. So she tries an old, favorite excuse of hers, "I'm not sure I'm ready for a long-term-"

"Long-term?! It's been 14 years, Olivia!" Olivia flinches. She now remembers why she avoids arguments with Alex. Taking a deep breath to calm herself, Alex continues more quietly, "This is just a more creative version of you running. You're running. "

"What?" Olivia is shocked by Alex's blatant hypocrisy.

"You're running, again." Before Olivia can open her mouth to counter, Alex holds her hand up and stops her, "I know that I have been the one that runs more often than not in our relationship: dating Trevor, not returning your calls after I got back to New York, going to work in Africa-that's why I can recognize what you are doing. I've run before, yes. But I am ready _now_. I am here _now_. And I'm not going anywhere _now._"

Taking a quick breath, Alex continues, "You want to be a family, then move back in. I will convert the third bedroom to a nursery. You want more kids- I'll buy you a house. Anything you want, but you have to come home to me." Alex pauses for a moment to gives Olivia a chance to speak. Olivia is not sure what to say. Alex sighs disappointedly and continues.

"But I will tell you what I will not do. I will not go to your apartment, play house with you and your son, and then return home to my lonely apartment. I will not."

Alex reaches for Olivia's hand again. Olivia gives it to her.

"Apparently, you didn't believe me when I said this before, so I will repeat it. I love you, Olivia Benson. I would say that I will love you until the day I die, but I've already been dead- technically, and I still love you. Nothing you can and will ever do will change that. So run, I will be here when you are finally tired of running, ok? And if you ask nicely I might even give you a foot massage. "

She leans across the desk and gives Olivia a chaste kiss on the lips. Olivia is not sure if it is her own tears or Alex's tears she tastes on her lips. Alex smiles sadly. She slips on her coat and then leaves.

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><p>Olivia takes out her keys to open her apartment door. What Alex had said earlier to her is heavy on her mind. If she is honest with herself, living with Alex, she had found a peace that had always eluded her.<p>

Olivia had been pleasantly surprised to discover that politically ambitious, shark lawyer Alex was quite the homemaker. Every night Olivia had come to the dining room table set with an exquisite, home-cooked meal. She had been even more surprised when Alex had told her about the summers she had spent at Le Cordon Bleu in Paris earning various cooking degrees. One night after a particularly delicious meal and a few delicious orgasms, while Alex held her in her arms, Alex had shyly revealed to her that she had been interested in learning to cook, because there had never been home-cooked, family meals in the estate she had grown up in. Olivia had learned more about Alex in those five months that they lived together than in the nearly 15 years they had known each other.

Olivia sighs, she wonders if she has messed up a good thing. Again. She inserts the key into lock. She will figure that out another day, right now, all Olivia knows she wants is Noah- her son. She is so wrapped up in her thoughts that she does not hear someone approach behind her.

"Liv," Olivia unclips her gun and pivots towards the intruder- finger on the trigger, ready. She hesitated once before and had been abducted and assaulted, she will not hesitate again, especially with her son a few feet away.

_Welcome home, Detective Benson._

She clicks off the safety.

"Woah! Woah!" Elliot holds his hands up. " It's me, Elliot!"

"Elliot?" Olivia whispers. She can barely hear him over the rush of blood in her ears and the erratic sound of her heartbeat. Almost as if having an out of body experience, Olivia wonders if he can hear her heartbeat as well. It is so loud.

Over two decades worth of dealing with victims kicks in, Elliot inches forward slowly with both his hands up. In soothing tones he says, "You're ok. You're not in danger. You're safe." She can read the concern and fear in his eyes. The pity.

She steps back pressing herself against the door, not because she is scared, but because she is embarrassed. She is not a victim.

"I'm fine," she snaps. Her voice sounds shaky, she knows he notices. She hates that he notices. She is not a victim, especially not in front of him. She does not show weakness in front of him, at least not this weakness.

She can see relief flutter through his eyes, this Olivia he knows and recognizes. "Aren't you always." He murmurs. It's half joke, half-truth. In light of all they had been through together and separately, it is a morbid half-truth.

"I'm sorry," she whispers. She is apologizing for pulling her gun on him, apologizing being weak, but most of all she apologizing for proving him right.

_I can't be looking over my shoulder, making sure you're okay._

He had left and she had gotten herself abducted and assaulted. Good job, Benson.

She looks away shamed as puts her gun away. Her hands are still shaking. She tucks them into her pockets.

"Don't apologize." He mutters gruffly. The door opens from behind Olivia causing her to stumble slightly.

"Sorry," Lucy apologizes. She steps out into the hallway with Noah balanced on her hip. As soon as Noah sees Olivia, he reaches for her. Olivia can tell he has been crying. Almost immediately everything else fades away and nothing else matters. She takes her son from Lucy. Noah snuggles into her chest immediately. "He heard the keys and you didn't come in," Lucy explains.

"Hi, my sweet boy." Olivia whispers softly as she takes him inside her apartment. He gurgles back at her happily. She kisses both his chubby cheeks and wipes his tears away. She breathes in his baby scent. This is her center. She can feel her heart rate finally returning to normal. Her hands stop shaking.

"He didn't eat much when I tried to give him dinner, I think he knows dinner time is your two special time." Lucy says as she begins to gather her coat and purse. Olivia is secretly pleased. She had made it home almost every night in the last two weeks to feed Noah dinner and to make sure to have mother-son time. She is glad to know that their special time is as important to him as well.

"I'm sorry, I'm late. You hungry, Noah?" He looks up at her and just smiles. Barely able to take her eyes off her son, "Thank you Lucy. We'll see you tomorrow." Olivia tries to put Noah into his high chair, but he refuses to go. He holds on tightly to her. Her boy has a hell of a grip. Instead she cuddles him closer. Noah lets out a content sigh.

"Liv," Elliot says softly afraid to ruin the moment between mother and son. Also, he is probably afraid of setting her off again. Olivia glances at him having forgotten that he was there. She also notes that Lucy has left and the door is closed. Elliot is staring at Noah fascinated. Olivia is sure that is how she looks when she stares at him. "You have a baby?" There is so emotion in his voice.

Olivia merely smiles at him enigmatically. She carries Noah to the fridge to get him dinner. "What do you for dinner tonight, my sweet boy?" Noah points to the row of baby food jars, "Yes that's Noah's food. How about some sweet potato and pears tonight? That sounds yummy." She grabs the two baby food jars, a baby spoon, and places them on the kitchen bar. She tries again to seat him in his high chair.

"He's not gonna go," Elliot predicts. Noah shakes his head and holds on tighter to her. "He's got that Benson stubborn streak." Elliot says like it is the most obvious thing in the world.

"He's not a Benson… yet." She whispers as she sits at her kitchen bar with Noah on her lap. Elliot shifts his position slightly so that he can see Noah better. Noah notices the movement and looks at Elliot. The two of them examine each other curiously. Noah then looks up at her as if to say 'who is this guy?'. Olivia gives him a reassuring smile.

Elliot's eyebrows furrows as it does when he is trying to figure something out, "He looks like you…Adopted?"

"He's my foster son. In a year, if everything works out… I will get to adopt him." She tries to open the sweet potatoes with the one hand she has free. Elliot steps slowly closer to them, still cautious. Olivia barely resists the urge to throw the jar at his head. She is fine. She calmly hands him the jar. He opens the jar and reaches for the other jar to open it as well.

Olivia dips the spoon into the sweet potatoes. Noah reaches for the spoon. "Don't worry this is for you. Open up. Ahhhhhhh." Noah laughs and mimics the noise, which causes him to open his mouth. Olivia feeds him the sweet potatoes. "Mmmm that's good, right?"

"Mmmmmmmm," Noah mimics again. Olivia laughs. Elliot watches the moment mesmerized.

"I'm glad the adoption agency finally got their head out of their ass-"

"Watch your language." Olivia chides while still feeding her son.

Elliot smiles dreamily at her. "I always knew your were prime parent material." Her words from nearly six years prior hang heavy between them. Their eyes lock. When she had given up on her dreams of being a mother, Elliot had still believed. He had still believed in her and her dreams; he had never doubted that she would be a mother and a good one at that. Because he had never stopped believing, Olivia had never let herself give fully give up on her desire to be a mother. And now she is a mother. And like in her dreams, Elliot is there to see it.

Caught up in the past, she has stopped feeding her son. Noah taps her hand that holds the spoon. "Would you like some more, Noah?" He looks up at her and nods heartily, "More, please." She repeats as she feeds him.

Finally acknowledging unexpected Elliot's visit to her home, "What do you want, Elliot?" And just like that the warm fuzzies that they had just shared are over.

"Are you going to introduce me to your little boy?" Olivia ignores the question. As much as she had always dreamed of Elliot getting to witness her as a mother, he has hurt her too much for her to share her son with him yet.

"What do you want, Elliot?" She repeats. She dips the spoon in the pears and feeds it to Noah.

"If I knew, I wouldn't have given most of my pension to a shrink." He laughs self-deprecatingly.

"Why are you here?" Olivia tries again as she continues to feed her son.

"I owe you…" _an apology. _

"Several," She corrects.

He rubs the back of his neck nervously. "This isn't easy for me."

"Ok," She acknowledges. She is not going to make this any easier for him.

"You deserve… answers…"

"How generous of you," She quips.

"I left Kathy," he blurts out. Olivia looks at him in surprise, "You said… it's not 'cus I am lonely. I left her…she deserves someone who… wants to be with her."

"Oh." That's all Olivia can say. She is stunned in silence for the second time that day. He had left his wife… in large part for her. What the hell is she supposed to say to that? Thank you?

There had been a time that she had hoped- not actively, of course- for him to say those words to her, but she is no longer the same, hopeful woman. Or maybe that that woman still exists in her- deep, deep inside. She does not know.

He continues, "This isn't because I'm lonely…or some mid-life crisis- or who knows maybe it is." He jokes lamely. He puts his hands into his pockets and shrugs.

"I'd suggest getting a motorcycle. It's less dangerous…" _than getting involved with me. _ She deflects. This moment is far too deep and intimate for them. They do not do deep and intimate. They do deflection and longing stares.

"Don't say that…" he trails off. Silence reigns between them. Noah shakes her head as she tries feed him more.

"All full?" She asks Noah. Noah pushes away the spoon. "No more." Elliot grabs a paper towel and hands to her so she can wipe off her son's mouth, "Now it's bath time for Noah." Noah claps his hands excitedly.

Elliot glances around her apartment trying to ascertain which door is the bathroom. He deduces that the left door leads to the bathroom and heads to it. It is then that Olivia is reminded that Elliot had not known that she had moved, "How did you know where to find me?"

"I always know where to find you." He says absentmindedly as he enters the bathroom.

_It wouldn't have taken him four days to find you. _She cannot help thinking without some bitterness. She tries to expel those thoughts from her mind. She wants no negativity to taint her moments with Noah.

She follows him into to the bathroom with Noah on her hip. She is totally unprepared for what happens next. Elliot is sitting on the bathtub edge, holding Noah's bubble bath mix.

"First take you the faucet and you turn it- you turn it. " Elliot sings as turns on the faucet. Olivia's mouth drops open. Olivia feels like she has been living in an alternate reality for the last few weeks, this moment just confirms her suspicions.

"First you take the faucet and you turn it-you turn it." Elliot repeats. Noah squeals in delight. He is clearly enjoying Elliot's singing, "Bubbbbbble Bubble Bath."

"What are doing?" Olivia asks him incredulously.

"The Barney Bubble Bubble Bath song." He says like it was the most normal thing for a six-foot plus, muscular, nearly fifty year old man to be singing Barney songs.

"Of course."

"Hey, all my kids loved this song." Noah whines because the entertainment has stopped, "And so you don't, don't'cha Noah?" Noah gives him a wide smile revealing his four tiny teeth. Elliot smiles back at Noah. "Then we put in bubbles in the water- the water!" Elliot pours the bubble bath into the filling tube. Bubbles start to appear. "Then we put the bubbles in the water- the water!" Laughing, Noah claps his hands together.

Elliot stands, "Can I?" he gestures to Noah. Olivia bites her lips nervously. He is asking her to trust with something even more precious than her heart. Noah makes the decision for her, he leans towards Elliot. Elliot looks at her for consent, he does not reach for him. The severity of the moment is not lost upon him.

"Elliot, this is… my son, Noah Porter." Recognizing that she has granted him consent, Elliot beams as he takes Noah into his arms. Noah babbles at him happily.

"Hi, little man. You have no idea how long this moment has been in the making." His voice is thick with emotion. He kisses Noah on the head. Olivia eyes well up with tears, "I've been waiting a long time to meet you. Almost as long as your mommy has."

Together they bathe her son. Elliot teaches her two more bath time songs and Noah smiles, laughs, and splashes as they sing together. This moment is even more precious than what she had imagined it years before.

While she towels off Noah, Elliot tells her, "I have Eli for Christmas Eve, you should bring Noah over to my apartment… It'd kinda be like old times." She remembers the many Christmas Eves she had spent with the Stablers through the years. Elliot had been determined to never let her spend a Christmas Eve alone after her mother died. So every year without fail, she turned up with gifts for all to spend the day listening to the Stabler kids sing carols, or the latest family gossip and who's dating whom, or on the years that they had a white Christmas, going sledding and building snowomen with them. She would always leave as they left for midnight mass.

She smiles softly at the fond memories, "I'll think about it."

He nods and smiles as if she has said already said yes. He is used to getting his way with her. His smile fades and a pensive look takes a hold of his face.

"Liv, I fucked up. Badly. I almost missed out on this," He gestures to Noah, who yawns and rubs his eyes sleepily. They have tired him out.

Elliot continues, "You deserved better than how I treated you. I'm… I'm sorry. Really and truly. " In their 13 years, it is the first time he has ever apologized for hurting her. It wasn't much of an apology, but for a man who never apologizes, it is something.

Maybe you can teach an old dog a few new tricks.

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><p>Thanks for reading! Review please! Tell me your thoughts, suggestions, critiques, etc.<p>

In the next chapter Melinda and Casey weigh in on AO vs EO. It will be no holds bar! I will even try to incorporate some you guys' thoughts into the dialogue. So tell me your thoughts and you may see them in the next chapter!

My thoughts on this chapter: I always found one of the most endearing parts of EO was how supportive he was of Olivia being a mother, so I had him meet Noah first and share that moment with her. Don't worry, I've got a very special meeting planned for Alex and Noah in two chapters. I can't wait to write it up.

AO has the early lead; there are still plenty more chapters coming and more opportunities to weigh in. Let the AO vs EO war continue.


	3. Chapter 3

Thank you all for the lovely reviews! They make my day and keep me encouraged. You guys are the best!

The love for AO is so overwhelming; I'm thinking that I should give the people what they want… though a little more convincing (reviews) couldn't hurt….

Bolded words are words from my lovely reviewers that I have integrated in to the story. Just a little show of appreciation from me to you all.

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><p>"Benson, you're late." Casey Novak chides as Olivia slides onto her barstool in between Casey and Melinda Warner. It's Saturday night, the end of a long, confusing week, and Olivia wants nothing more than to drink and to forget her love life drama for a few hours.<p>

"I had to put your godson to bed." Olivia says as she takes off her jacket. Casey beams at Olivia and Olivia cannot help smiling back at her.

Not particularly religious, Olivia had not planned on appointing godparents for her son, but Casey and Nick both had been insistent on being Noah's godparents. She is touched that they have taken such an active interest in Noah. With no extended family of her own, Noah can use all the family she can scrape together.

"How is my precious godson?" Casey asks softly. Olivia smiles for what she feels is the millionth time in the three weeks since she has had him; her cheek muscles have never had such a work out before.

"I'd be careful when you let her babysit him, Liv. The way she talks about him, you may not get him back one of these times." Melinda flags down the bartender and orders Olivia a shot of bourbon. The bartender sets down a glass of bourbon in front of Olivia and gives her a flirtatious smile. Olivia purposely averts her eyes to not encourage his advances.

"She already has enough suitors." Casey mumbles into her drink. Olivia narrows her eyes at Casey.

"What do you know?"

Melinda answers for her, "You think Elliot Stabler can walk back into the 1-6 and we wouldn't hear about it through the grapevines? And I heard he sent flowers too."

Olivia's eyes widens, "How did you find out?!"

"Girl, Fin may pretend to be above the gossip, but he spills his little heart out during pillow talk. I know everything going on in the 1-6. I know about Amanda and Nick, Alex and you, Elliot and you, Alex, Elliot, and you-"

Casey jumps in, "Melinda told me. If it wasn't for Fin and Melinda, I would know nothing about your life. I can't wait until Noah starts talking so he can tell me what's going with you."

"And now I have to kill Fin as well. I'm running out of detectives so quickly." Olivia mumbles as she shoots the bourbon. So much for escaping her love life for a few hours.

"Yea-yea now spill. Whatcha gonna do? Who you gonna pick?" Melinda leans in conspiratorially.

Olivia flags down the bartender, "Another please. And a water."

"Yes, drink more, loosen up those lips," Melinda jokes.

"We're not discussing my love life."

"Fine, then Melinda and I will discuss your love life." Casey turns to Melinda, "Mel, who do you think she should pick?"

"Are you guys really going to discuss this like I'm not here?"

"Alex." Melinda answers simply. Olivia is not surprised by her answer. Melinda has always been supportive of her relationship with Alex, even more so after the last year.

"Really?" Casey asks scornfully.

"No matter what, they always get back together. They're drawn to each other- like moths and a flame. " Melinda starts ticking off her fingers, "Alex got shot and went in to Witness Protection, mind you who did she make sure knew that she was alive; she returned from the dead, they got back together; she left for Africa, they got back together; Elliot left and they got back together… and here we are."

Olivia can admit that Melinda has a valid point; no matter who she had been dating, whenever Alex was in town, it was only a matter of time before they got back together. Sometimes it feels like Olivia dated just to fill the time between when Alex was in town and when she was not. But now it seems that Alex is in town indefinitely; Olivia is not sure what that means for their relationship.

"They also broke up all those times too." Casey points out interrupting Olivia's musings.

"You just don't like Alex." Melinda accuses. It is true. On the best of days, Casey and Alex's relationship can best be described as acrimonious. Olivia suspects much of their discord stems from the fact that both are on a similar career path, but had arrived in very different fashions. Alex came from a long line of lawyers, judges, and politicians and had had a spot in the DA's office before she had even been accepted to law school, while Casey had come from a working class family and had to fight for every position and every little bit of recognition that she had earned.

Casey waves her hand dismissively, "This isn't about that."

"Isn't it? What is your problem with her?" Melinda inquires.

"Hey, I have tried to be nice to her. She has a problem with me." Olivia had once asked Alex why she could not just be civil to Casey, and Alex had responded_ 'I'll be nice to her when she stops trying to replace me.'_ Despite Olivia's reassurances, Alex has always seen Casey the one who replaced her as SVU's ADA, replaced her as the squad's favorite ADA, and replaced her as Olivia's best friend. Olivia is sure that Alex's report cards used to say 'does not share well with others.'

"Both of you have stop trying." Olivia corrects. Previously, Olivia had wanted them to work through their differences and be civil with each other; now, Olivia just hopes they do not kill each other.

Never one to hold her tongue for long, Casey deadpans, "She's a bitch."

Melinda laughs. "Well damn, Case."

Defensively, Olivia cuts in, "Hey, hey, I know she can be ruthless at work-"

"-She left ruthless in rearview mirror when she ran over on all those people to get the EADA position."

"Maybe they should have gotten out of her way faster." Melinda chimes in.

"I forgot I'm dealing with Alex's fan club. All of Alex and my BS aside, I just don't get you and her. You date men, you say you're straight-"

"I am straight." Olivia objects. She has always considered herself heterosexual. She has always been attracted to only men.

"That would be a lot more convincing if you weren't sleeping with a woman." Melinda murmurs as she sips her drink.

Casey continues, "Yet, Alex is the exception. Why her? What is so special about her?" Always attracted to only men…until Alex that is. When Olivia had first met Alex, she had thought her beautiful, sure, but she had not been attracted to her. Alex, on the other hand, had been up front from the beginning that she was attracted to Olivia, but she had assured Olivia that attraction would never interfere in their professional lives or their budding friendship. And it had not… until found Olivia had found herself jealous every time she saw Alex flirting with another woman. Almost a year to the day they had first meet, drunk on tequila and jealousy, Olivia had kissed Alex. In return, Alex had taken her home and given her four mind-blowing orgasm before the morning sun.

_What is so special about Alex?_ It is a question that Olivia asks herself every time she found herself slipping into Alex's bed or every time she cancelled a date with someone else because Alex was back. "You really don't like her." Olivia evades the question. If she does not have an answer for herself, she surely does not have an answer for Casey.

"I'm just trying to understand. I can conceive that Alex may be a nicer person outside the office, but why Alex Cabot?"

Olivia thinks for a moment, there are many answers, but only one seems right, "She loves me." There had many people in her life that had said those words to her, including her mother and Elliot…but, Alex is first person that Olivia thinks may really mean it.

"Even I can admit that she loves you." Olivia looks at Casey surprised, "I mean, I doubted before…" Casey trails off.

_Lewis Williams._ "You can say his name." She is tried of everyone treating her with kiddie gloves.

"When Lewis had you those four days…her faith that you would return never wavered," Casey admits.

"Not once." Melinda echoes. It is what everyone had told her- Nick, Munch, Don, Amanda- all of them had told her that Alex had been infallible during the ordeal. Even after- it had been Alex who had been there when they had wheeled her into the hospital. It had been Alex who had convinced her to get the rape kit. Alex who had held her hand through it. And Alex had held and cried happy, relieved tears when the results confirmed, what she had told everyone; that she had not been raped.

"She loves you, yes. But is love enough? You're a mother now, Olivia. The choices you make don't just you affect anymore. Alex comes and goes out of your life at will, but she won't be coming and going out of just your life now. Now she will be coming and going out of Noah's life as well-have you thought of that? " Olivia glances away from Casey. Her head is spinning with questions that Casey has been shooting out.

"Bureau Chief ADA of SVU Novak has awakened," Melinda murmurs.

"No, Godmother Casey is trying to make sure you don't jeopardize your chances of keeping Noah. Have you thought about his emotional well-being? Children need stability. Adoption agencies need to see stable home situations." Barely stopping to take a breath, Casey continues on, "Or are you two going raise Noah together? You may consider yourself straight, but the world will see you as two as a lesbian couple raising a child. Are you prepared for what that will mean for him, you, your sexuality?" Casey finally pauses.

Seizing the opportunity, Melinda jumps in, "Let me interject here, while I do agree that you need to give serious consideration to how your relationship with Alex will affect Noah, I don't think Alex will be leaving New York anytime soon. Everyone thinks she is going to be the next DA - she's not going to up and leave all the progress she has made here in New York."

Casey counters, "OK, let's say, she gets elected DA- what does that mean for your relationship? New York is liberal and progressive, but it is not ready for an openly gay DA. Or are you going to be the DA's dirty little secret?"

Melinda gives Casey's mostly untouched drink to Olivia. Olivia gratefully accepts it and downs it in one gulp. "I think it's time to rest your case, Counselor."

"After I introduce an alternate theory. Elliot was your partner, your best friend, and the person with whom you were in love with for more than a decade. He loves you too. He was there every day for you for thirteen years. He loves children and he's an excellent father. And he was this stable presence in your life…before his three year…hiatus."

Melinda scoffs, "Hiatus? Is that what we're calling cruelly excommunicating your partner and best friend of thirteen years? She cried for weeks!"

"Hey!" Olivia objects. She can feel her cheeks coloring.

"Oh please, we all pretended not to notice your red eyes, but we knew. His departure broke your heart. Let's not whitewash history here. I like Elliot, but what he did to her is unforgivable. Did he apologize?" Both of them look at Olivia expectantly.

"Um…kinda, in his own Elliot way."

"Kinda?! So he **just shows up like nothing happened and just says 'I want a chance?' **That's some **bull. No one with any respect for themselves would let someone like that back in to their life. **"

"Wow, that was harsh." Casey says as she orders another drink. The bartender places another scotch in front of Casey.

"You introduced the alternate theory, now it's time for the cross-examination. Yes, Elliot is a great father-to his FIVE children. That man has been a father since he was nineteen years old; he is almost fifty- what makes you think he wants to start all over again- for the sixth time? And with a child that is not his biologically? He already has a family. Can you and Noah compete? How is Noah going to feel playing second fiddle to his 'real' family?"

"These arguments seem well thought out, were you two sitting at home preparing these arguments?" Olivia jibes. She is not ready to face some of the hard truths both Casey and Melinda have bought up. Tonight was supposed to be her escape; instead she has gotten more truth than she can handle.

Undeterred Melinda continues, "He also already has had a wife. Of nearly thirty years. All those milestones, he's already shared with another woman. How would anything you two would share be special?"

"Should I have been taking notes during this?" Olivia mumbles.

"And he's very Catholic; the Catholic Church does not recognize second marriages. So what, you two will never get married? Or will you ask him to go against his faith, get married outside the church, and be in a marriage that the rest of his very Catholic family will never recognize or respect? To them you will always be the homewrecker that he left his good, Catholic wife for."

"I feel like I wasn't this hard on Alex." Both Olivia and Melinda scoff at Casey.

"**Elliot's return is a great test of **Alex and your **relationship,** but don't let Elliot ruin the good thing you have going with Alex. She's finally ready to settle in New York and she's finally ready to get serious."

Déjà vu hits Olivia. "Have you been talking to Alex?"

"Fin invited her to his place for dinner, but in reality, he invited her so that I could grill her. He even gave me a list of questions to ask and then he pretended to watch football while eavesdropping. He was happy with her answers."

Olivia throws her hands up in the air, "Amanda's my favorite now."

"Anything else you want to add, Madam Medical Examiner-turned –Lawyer?" Casey quips.

"Yes: **Alex and Olivia all the way**! Now I'm done."

"Eloquent, Mel. Even I, reluctantly, have to admit that Alex does seem to be all in this time around. She turned down that job in United States Attorney's office; she claimed she didn't want to leave New York. But we all know, it was because she didn't want to leave you." Casey reveals casually.

Olivia chokes on her drink, "She did what?! When was this?!" She cannot believe it. Alex would never turn down such a big opportunity. Working for United States Attorney could have been an even bigger step for Alex's political career than even being DA.

"During your trial… You didn't know that she turned down the Attorney General? It shocks me to say this, but I think Alex would choose you over everything, even her career. Being with you, out and openly gay, may cost her career. I just hope she doesn't resent you for that one day."

"Well played, Counselor," Melinda murmurs.

Casey flashes her a victorious smile, "Winning arguments is what I do for a living."

"I need to go." Olivia throws two twenties on the counter, grabs her jacket, and leaves.

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><p><em>I think Alex would choose you over everything, even her career. Being with you, out and openly gay, may cost her the career. I just hope she doesn't resent you for that one day.<em> Of all of the things said tonight, Casey's last words echo loudest in her head.

Olivia steps outside the bar, pulls out her phone, and presses Alex's name in her contact book. She knows what she has to do. "Hey, it's me. Are you at your apartment?"

Olivia can hear some rustling in the background. Distractedly, Alex answers "Yes, I am, but I have to catch a flight in two hours."

"A flight? I thought you were going to be here for Christmas-never mind. Can I come over?...We need to talk ." Olivia bites her lip nervously.

"We need to talk? That's never good. Are you breaking up with me, Benson?" Alex jokes.

"Yea." Olivia whispers.

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><p>I know, I know I am evil. I'm even more of an evil person because I leave for vacation next weekend and I will be in Asia for two weeks, so it's unlikely you will get an update from me until early next month. Sorry! I promise to make it better when I come back.<p>

Please read and review! Reviews will keep me safe and bring me back to pump out more chapters.

Special thank you to Hope03, Cookies03, and basically everyone who reviewed, because I used their reviews/words in this chapter.

See you guys soon!


	4. Chapter 4

So I lied, but it was a good lie. I pumped out a chapter while on vacation. Just to show you all my appreciation for all the great reviews. Thank you all once again.

It's a short chapter, but I thought I would answer some of the questions that you guys were asking. This is just a conversation between Olivia and Dr. Lindstrom. It starts with Dr. Lindstrom talking and alternates between the two of them.

It picks up after the cliffhanger of last chapter, but that little cliffhanger won't be addresses until next chapter. Sorry guys!

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><p><strong>Chapter 4<strong>

_"What has bought you here today, Olivia? It's been a while since I have seen you last."_

_"I'm not sure, Dr. Lindstrom…"_

_"You called and requested to be squeezed in immediately- two days before Christmas. Something must be weighing heavily on your mind."_

_"…IbrokeupwithAlexlastnight."_

_"You broke up with Alex? Before you continue, can you catch me up on what has occurred between you two since the last time we talked? If I remember correctly, the last time we spoke, you were contemplating moving out of her apartment."_

_"Yes. I moved out a few days after we talked."_

_"Why?"_

_"Because I was happy."_

_"And why did being content in your relationship prompt you to move out?"_

_"Because I was getting used to being happy."_

_"What's wrong with getting used to being happy?"_

_"It doesn't last."_

_"It?"_

_"Happiness. It never lasts."_

_"Happiness does not last or you do not allow happiness to last?"_

_"Both."_

_"How did Alex react?"_

_"Furious would be a euphemism."_

_"Was the move about putting emotional or physical distance between you two?"_

_"Both."_

_"And yet, you have kept seeing her."_

_"I didn't move out because I didn't want to be with her anymore; I moved out because…I felt moving out was the only way to save our relationship."_

_"How would you moving out save your relationship?"_

_"Alex and I work because we just…are. We never put labels on this thing between us, we never ask questions, we never ask for more. When she is in town, we are together, when she is not in town- we're not together. In a weird way, things are simple between us. We read the same books, love the same movies, we go to art exhibits and museums, but yet she's comfortable in a cop bar and loves fast cars. We have a lot in common and we enjoy being together. I'm afraid…"_

_"You are you afraid of, Olivia?"_

_"I am afraid that… by trying to deepen our relationship it will change what has made us work for so long and I will lose her."_

_"Is that all you are afraid of?"_

_"I am also afraid that I don't have anymore to give her. I have never been in a long-term relationship."_

_"You have been in a relationship with Alex for over a decade. Many would consider that a long-term relationship." _

_"Fair point."_

_"Have you discussed any of your fears with Alex?"_

_"If I was able to talk to Alex, then I wouldn't need to talk to you."_

_"Fair point. So you moved out and you continued to see each other, but you broke up with her last night. Why?"_

_"She wants more."_

_"Which is different from how you two have operated for the last fourteen years."_

_"Yes. Normally Alex is the one that runs or leaves. But ever since Lewis, she has been talking about staying in New York indefinitely, insisting that I move in with her, telling me she will always love me…It's just such a big change in our dynamic. I am still trying to wrap my head around it."_

_"And your response to that is to break up with her?"_

_"What if I agree and give us a real shot and she leaves again? Alex's first love is her career. What if her next position is in D.C. or abroad? My life is here in New York. My son is here. My work is here."_

_"Have you ever given Alex something to stay for?"_

_"…What if I'm not worth staying for? What if I can't love her enough to make up for her never accomplishing her political aspirations. She has already started turning down jobs to stay in New York with me. She will have a hard time as openly gay politician."_

_"Don't you think that is for Alex to decide? She strikes me as a smart and thoughtful woman. I would be surprised if she has not already weighed the pros and cons of entering in to a relationship with you. It seems she has made her decision. Instead of trying to make decisions for her, you should focus on whether being with Alex is what you want. Do you love Alex?"_

_"Yes. Scares me shitless, but I do."_

_"Do you want more with Alex?"_

_"If you had asked a week ago, I would have had an answer for that question."_

_"What has changed in the last week?"_

_"Elliot's back."_

_"Your ex-partner?! How did that happen?"_

_"He just walked into the precinct one day-just like he walked out."_

_"And how does his return make you feel?"_

_"You know I hate when you ask me that."_

_"I will rephrase: how has his return caused you to be unsure of your relationship with Alex?"_

_"He left his wife- in part for me."_

_"Wow."_

_"You see the issue."_

_"We have not talked in depth about Elliot. Would you like to talk about him now?"_

_"Do I real choice?"_

_"This is your session, Olivia. We can talk about whatever you like."_

_"I don't know how I feel about Elliot's return. Elliot…hurt me. "_

_"How?"_

_"He was the only person that I let in all the way. Even more than Alex. I trusted him. I depended on him."_

_"Have you ever depended on anyone else? It seems that everyone depends on you."_

_"Alex, during my recovery. But that's why I moved out- I was beginning to depend on her. And I wouldn't survive being abandoned again by someone I depended on…Elliot broke something in me. And I worry that the leftover pieces of my heart aren't good enough for either of them."_

_"You are more whole than you give yourself credit for, Olivia. What are your feelings for Elliot?"_

_"I don't know. There was a time… when I loved him. I loved him for a long time. While Alex was coming and going out of my life, Elliot was there almost every day. When I met my half-brother and found out about my father, Elliot was there; when I set up for murder, Elliot was there-fighting for me; when I was lost Calvin… He was just this consistent presence in my life for thirteen years. Until he left..."_

_"Have you forgiven him for leaving?"_

_"After Lewis, yes. I didn't want to die hating Elliot. Despite how he left, he had done too much good in my life for me to die hating him."_

_"Do you love him?"_

_"I love who he was to me."_

_"Do you want more with him?"_

_"I love Elliot Stabler of 1998-2011. I don't know who Elliot Stabler of 2014 is."_

_"Then maybe you should get to know who he is now and see if your feelings are still there."_

_"My relationship with Alex has evolved so much since he's been gone. Places that Elliot used to fill in my heart now belong to Alex- and Alex has found and carved new places in my heart that I didn't even know existed before. No one has ever taken care of me the way she did this year. Not Elliot, my mother. "_

_"It is very rare to find someone as devoted as Alex is to you."_

_"When I'm with Elliot…I love being with him, but… I feel like I am betraying Alex. Alex loves me so much, she deserves my whole heart…and she'll never have it, if I don't resolve things with Elliot."_

_"What will bring you resolution with Elliot?"_

_"I'm not sure."_

_"Maybe that's where you should start. Finding a resolution with Elliot. But, Olivia, you had very strong feelings for him in the past. You may be opening Pandora's box. Be careful."_

_"I know. Thank you, Dr. Lindstrom."_

* * *

><p>I hoped I answered some of the questions you guys had. Please read and review and let me know what you think. This story is being shaped by your thoughts, opinions, and questions.<p>

Next chapter will be a big chapter for both EO and AO. Some fluff and some angst.

I will now go back to sipping Pina Coladas on the beach.


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